Tuesday 29 April 2014

Turn that racket down or one of us will have to go!


Last week, the boater moored next to me was playing music, loudly. Over a 24 hour period, it happened on 3 occasions. It pushed my buttons every time.

Even it had been quiet, it would have annoyed the hell out of me. 

If I can hear it, it’s too loud. 

On this occasion, many other boaters would also have heard it. There was tons of bass too. By the looks of the vessel and the volume coming out of it, the stereo had cost more than the engine.

On the first 2 occasions, I put my generator on to mask the noise. 

The 3rd time was after 9 pm and I was already in bed.

I lost my temper.

I had no idea who my neighbours were but 2 minutes later I was dressed and banging on their boat.

A woman came out.

“You just woke me up,” I lied, “What are you doing?”

I was told that all I needed to do was ask her politely and she would have turned it down but instead I was being very aggressive.

She was right. 

I could have asked nicely.

I was being aggressive. 

However, I felt violated and I wanted her to know it and I wanted to make a point. Asking nicely wasn’t going to get that any of that across.

I told her that when she took the decision to blast out her neighbours, that was also an act of aggression. If she felt violated, it was her own disrespectful actions that had brought it about.

That’s my take on it. 

Why did she think she had the right to impose her music on anyone else? I’d never do that. Most people would never do that. Especially other boaters! Boaters all want peace and quiet, right? We all want exactly what I want, surely!

My rage subsided a bit and I considered that here I was - a bulky, slightly out of control guy in a tracksuit - being aggressive to a much smaller woman. Maybe this didn’t look too good.  

Would I have acted differently if another guy had come out of the boat? 

Probably.

Unless he looked like a wimp. 

I took a breath and calmed down.

She said something about “live and let live.” I immediately felt angry again and had a flashback to 1994. 

                                                       *************

I was in my flat and the neighbours below had their TV on so loudly that my floor was vibrating.

I knocked on their door but they couldn’t hear me.

I went back to my flat , found a hammer and used that to knock on their door. 

Eventually they heard and opened the door to find me standing there with a hammer and eyes of madness.

Angry as I was, I was aware the tool in my hand might be open to misinterpretation. I put the hammer on the floor.

“My floor is vibrating. Could you turn that down .... way down!”

“The thing is it’s not actually that loud,” he said.

“I have been knocking for 10 minutes with a hammer.”

“The thing is the volume control doesn’t work properly,” he said, “This is the quietest it will go.”

“I’d be happy to come in and try,” I suggested.

He turned it down.

The next day I went back to make the peace and to thank him for his understanding. 

“Well our philosophy is ‘Live and Let Live’,” his wife said.

“Good,” I replied, “Let me live then.”

They moved out a few weeks later.


                                                                   *************

10 minutes after I’d returned to my boat, my new “live and let live” neighbour moved away too.

My first thought was ‘good - she’s gone. I have done everyone here a favour.’

My second thought was that her music must be so important to her that she was moving away so that she could listen to it loudly somewhere else.

My 3rd thought was that I had upset or intimidated her so much that she was not comfortable keeping me as her neighbour. Perhaps I should have had some guilt or shame about that but I didn’t. I was still angry. 

My final thought was ‘good - she’s gone. I have done everyone here a favour.’

                                                                *************

There have been similar moments from time to time. Usually I repress or move away but I can’t always help myself.
             
                                                                *************

3 years ago, I was sitting on a train in Scotland, heading the short distance  from Edinburgh to Musselburgh. Just before we left Waverley station,  a small group of teenage girls - 14  or 15 years old perhaps - got onto my carriage and took up the rest of my seating area. The girl directly opposite started to play music on the speaker of her phone. 

“If I wanted to listen to that, “I said, ”It would be on my phone and I’d be listening to it with headphones. Turn it off please.”

She turned it off and started crying.

Her friends were silent.

Had I overreacted? I don’t believe I had but I felt some compassion all the same. A moment later I leaned forward and said, “Thank you for turning it off. I appreciate it.”

She nodded through her tears but was still shaken. 


                                                                 ***************

I have no tolerance for other people’s noises.  It’s a control thing. I like my space and I like the quiet. When they are threatened, either outwards or inwards, I flip out. It happens every time.

I also wrote about this issue in January. Someone read that blog and sent me a message suggesting that I have ‘Low Frustration Tolerance.’ I have been reading up on it and I agree. 

Living freely on the waterways has definitely helped but the old adage holds true: “we don’t escape our problems - they travel with us wherever we go.”


Joel - April 29th, 2014