Back in 2008, as I passed Apsley on my bike, I stopped for lunch at the fabulous 'Woodys' Vegetarian Cafe and, afterwards, found myself small-talking for 2 hours with a group of boaters inside the marina there. I was seduced by the charms of these quirky boat people who - in my ill-judged estimation - had discovered the secret of the universe. I was hooked. Frozen water pipes, exploding toilet tanks and £400 parking spaces! This was absolutely how things were supposed to be.
As has been a pattern in my life, my infatuation got the better of me. Within a week, I'd bought a boat and was driving my new home through the raised swing bridge into the haven of Apsley marina. I had convinced myself that life would be perfect if I could live there and eat at 'Woodys' everyday.... and for the next 2 years that's exactly what I did.
As a stressy ex-teacher, former comedian and comedy promoter, living on an open sewer seemed to be the perfect solution to my cranky mindset . It worked too - for a while. Even my Stage 2 hypertension levels - which had occasionally caused blood pressure readings of 180/110 - dropped to normal levels. I was calm. The sewer had healing properties.
The trouble with trying to cut stress out of your life is that you inevitably find new things to stress about instead. As soon as the novelty wore off, my rose tinted lenses fell into the canal and I now see the water world through a monocle that matches the brown and grey colour of the water beneath my rusting hull.
In time, following my appearance in court testifying against some local shits who had been terrorising the marina, I fell out of love with Apsley. I became brave, embraced the calling of the sewer, pulled my plug out and decided to rough it. Now I was a proper water gypsy, taking the rough with the smooth.
Don't misunderstand me - I wouldn't go back to my old ways for all the Tesco trolleys in the Regents Canal.
The pleasure of living in Paddington, Camden, Angel and Hackney remains as thrilling now as the first time I looped my centre rope through a London mooring ring.
I recently spent 5 months doing the Thames Ring (including a one month diversion to Market Harborough) and, charming as Crick, Maidenhead and Thrupp showed themselves to be, with their respective hourly bus, arson and village fayre, barely a day passed when I didn't miss the opportunities provided by my beloved metropolis. I love London, I love my boat and I love having my boat in London.
But......
There are many buts.
That's what this blog is about.
If idealism is your thing, this blog is probably not for you. If you are interested in the realities of boating, you might want to stick with me for a while.
Conflicts with other boaters, archaic laws & irrational rule changes, overcrowding, poor facilities, double mooring, bureaucracy, triple mooring, incompetent handymen, bizarre waterway initiatives, bad advice, heat-waves, broken locks, winter, quadruple mooring, autumn & spring, carbon monoxide poisoning, boat shows and CRT.
Over the coming weeks, I look forward to sharing my experiences of the many challenges faced by boat people and attempting to make some sense of it all. I'll soon be posting details of a regular 'Angry Boater' podcast too.
As well as attempting to provide an honest - as I see it - account of my experiences and perceptions of what it is to be a boater, I am also using this blog as a focus for generating material for a comedy show about boating.
I plan to have fun writing this and I hope reading it becomes a worthy pursuit for you too.
Joel
December 21st, 2013
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